dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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