If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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