Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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