You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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