Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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