i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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