No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize