Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize