dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
