party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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