she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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