why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
