All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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