I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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