Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
