mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
