Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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