Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
