Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
