I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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