Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
