No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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