If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
