you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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