here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
