I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize