Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
