the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
