i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
