what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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