CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
