Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The best revenge is premature balding
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Damn victory sex feels great
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
