im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
