You're so nebulous sometimes
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
