these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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