Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
