one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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