Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
