im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
