Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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