Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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