I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
