I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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