She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
