he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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