is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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