my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
