The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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