All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
