Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's Friday. Sex?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize