He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
