I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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