My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
