My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
