so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There r osticjed everywhere
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
