Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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