I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
