the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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