The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
