I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
