you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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