We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize