I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
