just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
