went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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