Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
