also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
