you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize