Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
