hell yes lets make some ravioli
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
