Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
