Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
