It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
