party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
