I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think I sprained my soul last night
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
