Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
operation have a gay friend backfired
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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