:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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