My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
