just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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