I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
