I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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