hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
