Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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