I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My hand turned me down
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
