I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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