I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
