I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
