he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
