I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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