Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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