You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
