i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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