Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I need help removing her.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
