I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
