I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
