cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
