I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
