Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize