Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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