Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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