I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
