Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize