Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
