Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
