I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
