Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
