Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think my moral compass just broke
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