I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
