I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We left an ass print on the piano.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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