How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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