Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
