We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
